Language Translation Available – See Top of Left Column
Understand the Difference between people with Narcissism and people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). They are as different as venomous and non-venomous snakes.
Gaslighting is one of the tactics commonly used by people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
The following links are provided to help you (1) understand and identify personality disorders, so that you can protect yourself, and thereby (2) handle people with severe personality disorders who are affecting your Home and/or Work environments.
Links to Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
- 7 Ways to Set Boundaries with Narcissistic People
- Gaslighting is a highly-abusive Tactic used by Narcissists – Here are 11 Signs of Gaslighting
- If you are Worried that you are a Narcissist, the Answer is Probably No
- Narcissists will never confess to narcissism – but you can ask them to read this checklist and watch their expression
- How A Narcissist “Plays The Victim.” 10 Tactics they use to Gain Control
- 7 Tactics Emotional Abusers Use To Keep Control In A Relationship
- NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) includes RAGE that is Hidden from Everyone’s view Except the Victim
- Narcissists, Controllers, and the Art of Blame-Shifting
- Narcissists Don’t Change Their Colors – They Change Their Victims
- 4 Things to Do When Someone Is Mean to You for No Reason
Links to Understanding Psychopaths and Sociopaths
- Psychopath, Sociopath, and the Difference
- 5 Truths About What Upsets Sociopaths
- Criminals Reveal 9 Nonverbal Cues that Attract Them to a Potential Victim
If you are being victimized by someone with a severe personality disorder, perhaps a family member or co-worker, realize that it is not too late. You can change the situation! And dependents of yours may be depending on you to save them. Such was the case in my childhood, those details are further below.
This involves making changes in your relationship with the narcissistic abuser, who will likely resist you vociferously and without empathy. Arm yourself (1) with knowledge, such as from the links provided above and also (2) with backup support such as alerting law enforcement, in case they become necessary. Lesson learned: Do Not Underestimate Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
The other choice is to do nothing, let the victimization continue and endure as best you can. However, you need to consider the affect on any dependents you may have. Will children be affected by your decision?
Is someone you know Abusing a Child ?
Criminal Penalties for Child Abusers
Do you know that Not Reporting child abuse is a Crime?
Criminal Penalties for “Not Reporting” Child Abuse
As you can see by clicking the two links above, plenty of laws already exist that are intended to rescue children from abusive situations. Yet with all of these laws – child abuse still exists. Why is that?
My contribution to God, so far as child abuse is concerned, is to expose loopholes that allow for child abuse to continue. Loopholes such as when a witness is employed in a profession that is legally required to report child abuse, but simply chooses not to report it, because the witness works with the abuser and doesn’t want their own job to be affected.
If you know of a situation like this → rescue the child. How? Contact Law Enforcement and prepare a plan for separating the child from their abuser until Child Protective Services can interview the child.
Do not leave the child with the abuser once the abuser has been contacted by authorities, not even for one second. This is very important (a) to protect the child from the abuser’s rage and revenge, and (b) to protect the evidence, which sometimes can only come from the abused child. Otherwise the child’s life will be threatened by the abuser, or worse, for cooperating with authorities.
If a child tells you they are being abused by someone – do you know what to do?
How to Help an Abused Child who Discloses the Abuse to You
What is Psychological Abuse of a Child?
Four Major Types of Child Abuse
The Following is a True Story.
My purpose in divulging these facts is to expose what happened, and how it happened, in hopes of it never being allowed to happen again.
When my 4th grade teacher in elementary school asked me questions about “what’s wrong?” and I answered her questions honestly about the years of abuse going on at my home, little did I know how explosive it would be! My elementary school was in the same county school system where my abusive parent was employed as the principal of another school and “somehow” my abusive parent was notified about what I disclosed to my teacher before the police were notified. And I was not removed from my abuser’s custody, ever.
I find it interesting that the same elementary school teacher who wanted to know “what’s wrong?” never said another word to me about it – for the rest of the week, month, entire school year. Did she forget? Or was something more sinister stopping her?
So there I was, a young child, defenseless and living in the home of a narcissistic abuser who had little compassion, and who was now enraged at me because his sexual, verbal and emotional abuse was no longer “our secret” and therefore his career working with children in the school system, along with his personal liberties as a free citizen, were now at risk. Try to imagine how that one parent – who was already abusive whenever in private – treated me, from then on.
When I finally was interviewed at school several days later by child protective services, my abuser had already destroyed any chance of me repeating what I told my teacher about the abuse. So when officials from child protective services came to school to interview me, they took me into a private room with people I had never met before – and all I could think of was my abuser’s most recent threats of death if I told anyone else.
I was absolutely petrified to answer their questions. All I could do was tremble. My sister didn’t even know, nor my best childhood friend, until five decades later ( 50 years ) – that is how far in he “stuffed my cork,” causing me to have repressed traumatic memories, hidden from my own consciousness which became the undiagnosed cause of problems throughout my life.
The heinous physical and mental abuse that ensued throughout the rest of my childhood was inescapable, at times unbearable, and extremely harmful. It only happened when no one else was around to witness. When others were around you would have thought my abuser was a “politician during an election.” But when it was just him and me alone, it was horrific. How horrific? – Later that same year after I told my teacher about the abuse – the very first night that my abuser and I were home alone together all night – he killed me – and then resuscitated me back to life. That’s what I mean by horrific.
Here are the details of my death and resuscitation at the hands of my abuser.
I now remember everything that happened (1) prior, during, and after my suffocation and (2) prior, during, and after my resuscitation. These recently-regained memories had been repressed into my subconscious for about 50 years ( since the 1960’s ), until now ( 2019 ). I regained them several months after watching a video interview of another child who died during an emergency surgery, interacted with people in heaven, and then returned to his body on the operating table ( Colton Burpo who is portrayed in the movie, “Heaven is for Real” ). Specifically, it was two of the words Colton brought back from heaven in 2003 that were the same words I brought back from heaven in the 1960’s – which are (1) Throne room, and (2) Markers. Those words were the one and only catalyst that enabled me to pull those repressed traumatic memories from deep within my subconscious, back into the forefront of my consciousness.
Are you ready for this? Because I’m not sure I am, but here we go – and I call on Jesus Christ to be my witness of these events.
It was very rare that I was home alone – for the entire night – with only my one abusive parent, and he did not waste the opportunity.
That night – I was drugged, suffocated to death, and immediately taken on a narrated tour of heaven, which ended abruptly when I was resuscitated back into my human body by my abuser, who was punching me on the left side of my chest, directly over the heart. His way of administering CPR, I guess.
At bedtime – he would not let me sleep on my own bed or even in my own bedroom and would not explain why ( keep in mind I was a child at the time, in fourth grade ). Instead, he had me sleep in another bedroom but not on that bed either. He had me sleep on a temporary mattress that he placed there just for that one night, and he handed me a pill to take. I asked what it was, because he had never given me medication before. He said it will “help me sleep” and he made sure I swallowed it.
I was extremely worried because of these actions, combined with his previous threats of killing me for telling my elementary school teacher about his sexual and verbal abuse.
But I took the pill and I slept on the fold up bed. My death began by me waking up to hands covering my face, pressing my head into the mattress with a lot of force, which prevented me from breathing.
I struggled and tried removing the hands by grabbing the wrists and recognized whose hands they were while holding his wrists. I then relaxed my efforts to escape and gave in to his will.
My death did not happen “as soon as” I gave up, but it did not take very long either. However, during the brief time between (1) giving up, and (2) coming out of my body as it died, I remember fading in and out of consciousness. During that time I remember him moving at least one of his hands, if not both, from my face to my neck to close off my trachea windpipe, thereby ensuring I was getting no air whatsoever.
I knew when I died because I regained consciousness. I could see that I was rising above a dark horizon. To give you a better idea of what I mean, a vague analogy would be like rising from under water to above water. Point being, you know when you have risen through the water’s horizon.
This horizon however, was simply darkness, with some light above, similar to a night time sky. Since I could see darkness, I knew I was still conscious. I also could feel the sensation of moving, as if traveling, and could clearly hear a very kind sounding male voice audibly telling me I was being “taken to see God.” It is like he was escorting me. I could not see him but I could hear him talking to me as the sensation of traveling continued. I use the word “traveling” because the sensation was similar to riding in a car. But there was no car. We were in life after death and I was still alive, with vision, memory, emotions, and hearing. I am guessing I was hearing his “thoughts” but they sounded exactly like words here on earth.
This my friend is good news. Really good news, that I can now confirm with absolute certainty.
We do remain alive after our human body dies. Apparently our human body is just a vessel for us to exist on this one particular planet called earth. Our brain does not “create” our consciousness. Instead, our brain “enables” our consciousness to enter this world to live on this planet. Just like the rest of our human body, brains have expiration dates, whereas our consciousness does not. Our consciousness truly lives for eternity.
Eventually the traveling ended and I was given a tour of two areas outside of heaven with the same voice narrating what we were seeing. First, I was shown what is called the “Throne room of God” which looked like a large glass wall with a miniature universe of stars behind it and some flames up front, closest to the glass wall. The flames were organized just like a candelabra here on earth, with its highest flame in the center, cascading down on both sides. Only there was no candelabra holding the flames in place. It was only the flames and they maintained their positions on the left side of the Throne’s glass wall. I was told “This is God.” On the right side of the wall appeared to be a sea of glass as far as you can see.
Next, I was shown the outside of an entrance, a closed door, with a person standing in front who looked like pictures I had seen of Jesus. I asked if that is who it was and was told “No, would you like to see Jesus?” I said yes, and after a momentary pause, another person appeared, replacing the first one. This second person looked similar to the first, except for highly visible red marks on his bare hands and feet. Both of the people wore a white robe and had dark hair but the second person had these four red marks which clearly distinguished him from the first. I asked about the red marks and was told “Those are his Markers.”
As I looked at him, he was looking back at me, saying nothing.
Suddenly everything disappeared, turned to darkness, and then I was immediately re-entering my human body, on the same temporary mattress, with my killer throwing punches onto my chest to resuscitate me, causing me to bounce on the mattress.
One thing we as humans don’t realize ( unless we die and come back to life ), is how heavy our body actually is, in comparison to being alive and conscious without it. For example, it was a struggle just trying to regain control of my arms. The fact that I re-entered my body while it was bouncing due to a violent resuscitation, emphasized this weight difference even more.
We all know what it feels like wanting to lose weight. Imagine getting used to the weightlessness of being alive outside of your human body, and then abruptly coming back into the full weight of your human body.
I find these stories within the story to be fascinating content for an upcoming series on TYAJesus.com. Having seen life after death once, and Jesus Christ twice, why not share the details? It really is good news for all of us, in terms of conquering death by realizing our eternal life.
As he saw me gain control of my arms and open my eyes, he said “are you alive” and seemed out of breath. I responded “yeah” and he disappeared. Then I was immediately back to sleep because of the drug he had given me earlier that evening.
Waking up in the morning, I tried getting out of bed as normal and discovered I could not move.
I had not been taken for medical care after the temporary death and I don’t even think my blood had fully-recirculated throughout my body, because I could not move my arms or legs. I was laying flat on my back and probably had not moved since he resuscitated me. I was starting to feel a lot of soreness on the left side of my chest.
Gradually I worked my left foot over to the left side of the bed and hooked the edge with my heel, which enabled me to slowly work myself out of bed and flat on the floor. Laying there with my eyes open, unable to move, and staring at the carpet. Eventually I recovered enough to get up on all fours ( hands and knees ) and tried standing but was unable to keep my balance and ran straight into a wall.
He apparently heard the commotion and was waiting right outside the door when I came out of the bedroom. He said one thing, “How do you feel?”
I replied “fine” almost defiantly because at that point I still remembered what had just happened the night before and who did it to me. I was too young to know how to confront him about it though.
He asked me two more times throughout the day, “How do you feel now?” and I opened up a little more by saying “I didn’t feel so good this morning but I’m better now.”
The rest of my family returned home later that day, and I made the conscious decision not to tell my mom what my dad had just done to me. I wanted to, very much, but was afraid to. Afraid, because I knew he would retaliate and neither she nor I could defend ourselves or each other.
The next day, walking down a hallway in our home with my abuser, he seemed to be in a good mood and said to me “I’ll tell you one thing, you’re a tough little guy” and he repeated it several times, making me feel good about myself. It was as if he was impressed I survived.
Within a couple days after that, when he was alone with me, in a very nice tone of voice he asked me if anyone had ever abused me – apparently checking to see if his suffocation and resuscitation of me was successful at erasing my memory. I answered truthfully, although fearfully, by saying “yes.” He immediately cursed, and changed his demeanor by becoming very angry at me, and he never let go of that anger. From then on he displayed serious hatred of my existence, whenever there was no one else around to witness. His use of the word “tough” changed completely – from a compliment – to a hammer. After he learned my memory of his abuse had survived the temporary death he put me through, he would yell at the top of his lungs “Tough!” whenever I asked him to stop being mean to me.
As I aged into high school, he was getting more careless (alcohol) by abusing me verbally “in front of his friends.” Sometimes even they would seriously-protest, and he would tell them “he’s tough he can take it.” They didn’t like it, and some of them told me so in private ( God bless them! ). But they could not, or at least did not, stop him.
This is why I have added “rescuing abused children” to my work on this website for Jesus.
About one week after my temporary death, which my other parent was completely unaware of, I tried telling my other parent that “Jesus has markers.” She said “Jesus has what?” I repeated and she said “Where?” I showed her hands and feet and she said “No those aren’t markers, Jesus was crucified.”
When you are as young as I was and one of your parents say “No,” then that’s all there is to it. Even though I knew I was right, her saying no is probably one of the reasons that memory could become repressed into my subconscious. That combined with the extreme Gaslighting done by my other parent, the abusive one, throughout the remainder of my childhood and on into high school through graduation.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, gaslighting involves attempts to destabilize the victim and thereby delegitimize the victim’s memory and beliefs. Instances range from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with intent to disorient the victim.
I had one parent who wanted me dead and the other parent who couldn’t live without me, and even endured similar abuse as me just to keep her family together. She never knew that he killed me the one night she and my sister left me alone with him for the entire night. But I know she was worried, because before leaving she told me in private “I hope you’re going to be alright.” I asked her not to go and she reluctantly said “she had to.” We were both very afraid of her husband.
I went through some emotions while regaining access to these long lost memories and I know I’m not the only one. So I want to provide the following information for anyone who would like some help with past or present abuse.
If you or someone you know, are suffering from any kind of abuse, Help Is Available !!
- Visit www.thehotline.org anytime for a live chat.
- You can also search a directory of domestic violence programs and shelters near you at domesticshelters.org.
- If you are afraid your internet usage might be monitored, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE), or TTY 1-800-787-3224. Help is available 24/7 in more than 200 languages. All calls are Free and Confidential.
Here are links to sites with helpful information.
- Survivors of Abuse
- Help for Adult Victims of Childhood Abuse
- Common Questions Asked by People Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
- Seven Ways to Help a Child Heal from Trauma
- International Child Rescue, click here
- Shriner’s Hospital for Children
- St. Jude’s Childhood Cancer Hospital
Sometimes an abusive situation evolves into a life-threatening emergency. If you or someone you know is in danger, please call 911 or your local law enforcement.
- Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
- National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
- Individual states have local child abuse hotlines, too USA
Internationally – I want to compile helpful resources for as many countries within our readership as possible. Currently 65 countries as of mid year 2019, you can see the complete list below in this post. If you can help me with information for any of these countries, please email it to me at email@example.com
I also want to speak to the heart of anyone who is causing a child to suffer abuse. I wish I could have said this to my abuser but since that is no longer possible, I will give this to God so that Jesus can use it for his own purpose on a global scale through this website, ThereYouAreJesus.com. If you know of active abuse, please give the following message to the abuser.
“The coverup of a crime can be far worse than the crime itself. Realize, that you do not have to destroy your victim to eliminate the problem you created. You do not have to destabilize and delegitimize your victim’s memory in case your victim starts reporting your actions. You can eliminate your problem in a constructive fashion, rather than destructive, by having an honest conversation with your victim, explaining your mistake and helping your victim heal. You will be helping yourself heal in the process. And saving yourself, and your victim from a future filled with debilitating stress and PTSD Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Realize the harm being caused to all parties, mentally commit to stopping the abuse and begin the process of undoing the mess, starting right now.”
I pray this lesson I have learned can successfully detoxify at least one abusive relationship.
Domestic Violence has increased exponentially during the COVID-19 Coronavirus pandemic. Contributing factors include quarantine lockdowns combined with the resulting mass unemployment as well as social justice protests and cultural revolution.
Domestic violence comes in a number of different forms including Physical, Verbal, Emotional, Financial, Religious, and Sexual Abuse, which can range from subtle and coercive, to the most severe. One of the heinous and frustrating components of these forms of abuse is that they most often are hidden from public view and can be extremely-harmful to victims.
I want to use my experiences to improve society’s detection of abuse and protection of innocence in the following ways:
- Doing everything I can to inspire your help in the rescue of children who are suffering helplessly in heinous and chronic child abuse that goes un-noticed by society because the child’s abuser “keeps it hidden.”
- Describing what to look for when a person of trust within a child’s life, such as one of the parents, becomes motivated to: (a) kill the child; or (b) erase the child’s memory.
- Explaining why a person of trust would do this to a child. Motivations such as the child remembering criminal abuse by the “person of trust” that would cause this person to be arrested, if discovered by law enforcement authorities.
- Explaining what you should do, and should not do, from the abused-child’s perspective. For example, on the same day the abuse is reported by a child ( to a teacher, policeman, etc ) make sure law enforcement, or their designated governmental agency, removes the child from the abuser’s home and into protective custody. Thereby preventing the accused-abuser from any contact whatsoever with the child until after an investigation is conducted.
- Keep the child calm and assure them they have done the right thing by telling you.
Let me offer you one more thing. Actually 5, here are 5 good things to ask children ( in addition to the usual “how was your day?” ).
- What made you smile today?
- Who did you sit with at lunch?
- If you could change one thing about today, what would that be?
- What was the hardest rule to follow today?
- Tell me something you know today that you did not know yesterday.
Seriously, John. Member of ThereYouAreJesus, LLC