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This page provides information about several forms of domestic abuse that can victimize both children and adults. It includes first-hand accounts from former victims who describe what it’s like to endure chronic trauma from long term abuse and the damage it causes. One of my goals with this website ThereYouAreJesus, is to help people who are currently suffering in abusive situations, as well as those who are trying to recover from past abuse.
The work I do for God, so far as helping abused children and adults is concerned, comes from a place in my heart where I have substantial personal pain.
I was murdered as a child by suffocation and then resuscitated back to life by my killer, who was also one of my parents, who acted alone. I give details of how he got away with over a decade of full-blown child abuse with no one knowing how serious it was. That is further below on this page, flagged with purple font.
First, some helpful information for anyone who is currently suffering from hidden abuse.
Understand the difference between people with Narcissism and people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). They are as different as non-venomous and venomous snakes.
Gaslighting is one of the tactics commonly used by people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
The following links are provided to help you (1) identify and understand personality disorders to protect yourself and your children, and thereby (2) handle people with severe personality disorders who are affecting your home and/or work environments.
Narcissists, Gaslighters, Psychopaths and Sociopaths
- Checklist to Identify the Narcissist in Your Life
- 7 Ways to Set Boundaries with Narcissistic People
- 11 Signs of Gaslighting, a Highly-Abusive Tactic used by Narcissists
- How A Narcissist “Plays The Victim.” 10 Tactics they use to Gain Control
- Narcissists Don’t Change Their Colors – They Change Their Victims
- 4 Things to Do When Someone Is Mean to You for No Reason
- Psychopath, Sociopath, and the Difference
Narcissism, Machiavellianism and Psychopathy – simultaneously – is the Dark Triad
- Dark Triad refers to 1 person having 3 negative personality traits that are different, yet related: Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and Psychopathy.
Chronic Stress and Brain Damage
If you are being victimized by someone with a severe personality disorder, perhaps a family member or co-worker, realize it is not too late. You can change the situation! And dependents of yours may be depending on you to save them, too.
This involves making changes in your relationship with the narcissistic abuser, who will likely resist you vociferously and without empathy. Arm yourself (1) with knowledge, such as from the links provided on this page and also (2) with backup support such as alerting law enforcement, in case they become necessary. Lesson Learned: Do Not Underestimate Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
The other choice is to do nothing, let the victimization continue and endure as best you can. However, you need to consider the effect on any dependents you may have. Will children be affected by your decision?
Is someone you know Abusing a Child?
Criminal Penalties for Child Abusers
Do you know that Not Reporting child abuse is a Crime?
Criminal Penalties for “Not Reporting” Child Abuse
As you can see by clicking the two links above, plenty of laws already exist that are intended to rescue children from abusive situations. Yet even with all of these laws, child abuse still exists. Why is that?
My contribution to God, so far as child abuse is concerned, is to expose loopholes that allow for child abuse to continue. Loopholes such as when a witness is employed in a profession that is legally required to report child abuse, but simply chooses not to report it, because the witness works with the abuser and doesn’t want their own job to be affected.
If you know of a situation like this → rescue the child. How? Contact Law Enforcement and prepare a plan for separating the child from their abuser until Child Protective Services can interview the child.
Do Not leave the child with the abuser once the abuser has been contacted by authorities, not even for one second. This is extremely important (a) to protect the child from the abuser’s rage and revenge, and (b) to protect the evidence, which sometimes can only come from the abused child.
Otherwise (a) the child’s life will be threatened by the abuser, or worse, for cooperating with authorities, (b) the evidence will be lost because the child becomes terrified to testify again, and therefore (c) the child is left to endure a horrendously abusive future.
If a child tells you they are being abused by someone – do you know what to do?
How to Help an Abused Child who Discloses the Abuse to You
What is Psychological Abuse of a Child?
Four Major Types of Child Abuse
The Following Story is True.
The purpose for sharing these details of my murder, tour of heaven and resuscitation back to earth is two-fold: (1) Expose what happened and how it happened in an effort to rescue current victims suffering without anyone, who-can-save-them, witnessing or even being aware of what happens in private between the abuser and victim; (2) Confirm for you once and for all that our consciousness transcends the life and death of our human body.
Make no mistake about it… you will regain consciousness as soon as your human body is dead, whether you like it or not. The only question is if Jesus will allow you to spend eternity with God and your loved ones in the light of heaven… or not. That is the only variable.
These are absolute facts that I have learned from having been dead yet still conscious, before being resuscitated back to life as we know it in the human body. People who die and are resuscitated back to this life bring with them previously unknown facts. These facts are great news for those who believe in God and they are a real warning for those who don’t. I give this knowledge to you with God as my witness, amen. John Levay of ThereYouAreJesus.com
When my 4th grade teacher in elementary school asked me questions about “what’s wrong?” and I answered her questions honestly about the years of abuse going on at my home, little did I know how explosive it would be!
My elementary school was in the same county school system where my abusive-parent was employed as the principal of another school and “somehow” my abusive parent was notified about what I disclosed to my teacher before the police were notified. And I was not removed from my abuser’s custody, ever.
I find it interesting that the same elementary school teacher who wanted to know “what’s wrong?” never said another word to me about it – for the rest of the week, month, entire school year. Did she forget? Or was something more sinister stopping her?
So there I was, a young child, defenseless and living in the home of a narcissistic abuser who had little compassion, and who was now enraged at me because his sexual, verbal and emotional abuse was no longer “our secret” and therefore his career working with children in the school system, along with his personal liberties as a free citizen, were now at risk. Try to imagine how that one parent – who was already abusive whenever in private – treated me, from then on.
When I finally was interviewed at school several days later by child protective services, my abuser had already destroyed any chance of me repeating what I told my teacher about the abuse. So when officials from child protective services came to school to interview me, they took me into a private room with people I had never met before – and all I could think of was my abuser’s most recent threats of death if I told anyone else.
I was absolutely petrified to answer their questions. All I could do was tremble. My sister didn’t even know, nor my best childhood friend, until five decades later (50 years) – that is how far in he “stuffed my cork,” causing me to have repressed traumatic memories, hidden from my own consciousness which became the undiagnosed cause of problems throughout my life.
The heinous physical and mental abuse that ensued throughout my childhood was inescapable, at times unbearable, and extremely harmful. It only happened when no one else was around to witness. When others were around you would have thought he was a “politician during an election.” But when it was just him and me alone, it was horrific. How horrific? Later that same year after I told my 4th grade teacher about the years of abuse – the very first night that he and I were home alone all night – he killed me – and then resuscitated me back to life.
We’re talking about a father murdering his 9 year old son, resuscitating him back to life, and then continuing to live in the same toxic house for the rest of childhood through high school graduation.
For many of those years after the murder & resuscitation, he would explode into belligerent outbursts without warning and without provocation, and say to me such things as:
- “I should have left you dead.”
- “Here comes your PROTECTOR” (…referring to his-wife / my-mom, who tried her best to stop his abuse…)
- “TOUGH!” (…whenever I asked him to stop being so mean…)
- (…and when he abused me in front of his friends, if they tried to stop him, he would tell them…) “He’s Tough He Can Take It!”
These “regained memories” had been repressed into my subconscious for about 50 years (since the late-1960’s), until now (2019). I regained them several months after watching a video interview of another child who died during an emergency surgery, interacted with people in heaven, and then returned to his body on the operating table (Colton Burpo who is portrayed in the movie, “Heaven is for Real”). Specifically, it was two of the words Colton brought back from heaven in 2003 that were the same words I brought back from heaven in the 1960’s – which are (1) Throne, and (2) Markers. Those two words were the only catalysts that caused me to eventually pull all of those repressed traumatic memories from deep within my subconscious, back into the forefront of my consciousness. I’ve color coded those two words in blue and green to connect them, below in this post, with the exact same words I tried to tell my mom shortly after my death and resuscitation in the 60’s.
Are you ready for this? Because I’m not sure I am, but here we go – and I call on Jesus Christ to be my witness of these events.
It was very rare that I was home alone – for the entire night – with only my one abusive parent, and he did not waste the opportunity.
That night – I was drugged, suffocated to death, and immediately taken on a narrated-tour of heaven, which ended abruptly when I was resuscitated back into my human body by the person who had just killed me, and was now punching me on the left side of my chest, directly over the heart. His way of administering CPR, I guess.
At bedtime – he would not let me sleep on my own bed or even in my own bedroom and would not explain why (keep in mind I was a child in fourth grade at the time). Instead, he had me sleep in another bedroom but not on that bed either. He was having me sleep on a temporary mattress that he placed there just for that one night while the rest of my family was away, and he handed me a pill to take. I asked what it was, because he had never given me medication before. He said it will “help me sleep” and he made sure I swallowed it by inspecting my mouth.
As you can imagine, I was extremely worried by his actions, considering his previous aggravated threats of killing me for telling my elementary school teacher about his sexual and verbal abuse.
But at nine years of age and with no other family members in the house to help me, I had no choice but to swallow the pill and lay down on his temporary fold-up mattress to sleep.
My death began by me waking up to hands covering my face, pressing my head into the mattress with a lot of force, which prevented me from breathing.
I struggled and tried removing the hands by grabbing the wrists and recognized whose hands they were while holding his wrists. I then relaxed my efforts to escape and gave in to his will.
My death did not happen “as soon as” I gave up, but it did not take very long either. However, during the brief time between (1) giving up, and (2) coming out of my body as it died, I remember fading in and out of consciousness. During that time I remember him moving at least one of his hands, if not both, from my face to my neck to close off my trachea windpipe, thereby ensuring I was getting no air whatsoever.
I knew when I died because I regained consciousness. I could see that I was rising above a dark horizon. To give you a better idea of what I mean, a vague analogy would be like rising from under water to above water. Point being, you know when you have risen through the water’s horizon.
This horizon however, was simply darkness, with some light above, similar to a night time sky. Since I could see darkness, I knew I was still conscious. I also could feel the sensation of moving, as if traveling, and could clearly hear a very kind sounding male voice audibly telling me I was being “taken to see God.” It is like he was escorting me. I could not see him but I could hear him talking to me as the sensation of traveling continued. I use the word “traveling” because the sensation was similar to riding in a car. But there was no car. We were in life after death and I was still alive, with vision, memory, emotions, and hearing. The only thing missing was my physical human body. I am guessing I was hearing his “thoughts” but they sounded exactly like words here on earth. Perhaps this is a perfect example of why “prayer” is so effective in communication with almighty God and our long lost loved ones. Prayer is like a language when you no longer have a human body.
This my friend is good news. Really good news, that I can now confirm with absolute certainty.
We do remain alive after our human body dies. Apparently our human body is just a vessel for us to exist on this one particular planet called earth. Our brain does not “create” our consciousness. Instead, our brain “enables” our consciousness to enter this world to live on this planet. Just like the rest of our human body, brains have expiration dates, whereas our consciousness does not. Our consciousness truly lives for eternity.
Eventually the traveling ended and I was given a tour of two areas just outside of heaven with the same voice narrating what we were seeing. First, I was shown what is called the “Throne of God” which looked like a large glass wall because it was transparent, with a miniature universe of stars behind it and large flames burning in organized fashion near the front. The flames were arranged similar to a candelabra here on earth, with its highest flame in the center, cascading down on both sides. Only there was no candelabra holding the flames in place. It was just the flames, burning as though fueled by a torch but there was no torch. No source of fuel whatsoever, yet these seven flames burn eternally in fixed positions at the inside-front of God’s Throne. As we looked at this scene, I was told “This is God.” On the other side of the transparent wall, just “outside” of God’s Throne which was to the right of the wall as we looked at it, there appeared to be a sea of glass, or smooth transparency, as far as you can see.
We saw the lamb with seven horns and seven eyes just like what is described in the Bible, as well as some elders standing inside the Throne of God. The lamb trotted near us and looked at us as it passed by. The site of this unusual creature literally scared me. My tour guide apparently could sense this and we quickly moved on to another area.
Next we arrived outside of a closed door that had a distant yellow color glowing in the sky as you look above the door in the distance. It was similar to being on the outskirts of a city but still close enough to see the distant glow of the city.
There was a man standing in front of the door who looked like pictures I had seen of Jesus (4th grade). I asked if that is who it was and was told “No, would you like to see Jesus?” I said “yes” and there began a pause, a delay. I could sense that Jesus had not planned on being there. Perhaps he already knew my dad planned on resuscitating me, too. I don’t know, but we waited and while waiting, I watched the first person who had been standing there “walk away from the door.” It was as if he could hear us and was making room for Jesus.
Then Jesus appeared, and he did not walk in front of the door the way the first person walked away. Instead, Jesus “materialized” right where the first person had been standing. Once he started appearing, he became fully visible very quickly. He was looking down until he finished materializing and then looked up directly at me and we met eyes. As I looked at him, he was looking back at me, neither one of us saying anything.
He had on a white robe with bare hands and feet, just like the first person. But Jesus was holding his hands with palms-out, so I could clearly see highly visible red marks on his hands and feet. I asked about the red marks and was told “those are his markers.”
This is where my visit to heaven ended suddenly, and I do mean abruptly. Everything disappeared, turned to complete darkness for an instant and then I was immediately “re-entering my human body” on the same temporary mattress I had just been murdered on, with my killer throwing punches onto my chest until my eyes opened, causing me to bounce on the mattress.
I can only imagine what Jesus was thinking as our eye contact was broken when I was aborted from heaven by resuscitation back to earth. This could be the reason why he appeared inside of my desperate prayer 44 years later (2013) when I was pleading about a new set of problems with the exact same person who had killed me as a child in 4th grade (1968/69).
This is a true testament about the loyalty of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Your troubles may be different from mine but if he will be there for me, he will be there for you! Believe this in your heart and you will be making an eternal friend with Almighty God, amen.
As my killer saw me gain control of my arms and open my eyes, he said “are you alive” and seemed out of breath from resuscitating me. I responded “yeah” and he disappeared. Then I was immediately back to sleep because of the drug he had given me earlier that evening.
Waking up in the morning, I tried getting out of bed as normal and discovered I could not move.
I had not been taken for medical care after the temporary death and I don’t even think my blood had fully-recirculated throughout my body, because I could not move my arms or legs. I was laying flat on my back and probably had not moved since he resuscitated me. I was starting to feel a lot of soreness on the left side of my chest.
Gradually I worked my left foot over to the left side of the bed and hooked the edge with my heel, which enabled me to slowly work myself out of bed and flat on the floor. Laying there with my eyes open, unable to move, and staring at the carpet. Eventually I recovered enough to get up on all fours (hands and knees) and tried standing but was unable to keep my balance and ran straight into a wall.
He apparently heard the commotion and was waiting right outside the door when I came out of the bedroom. He said one thing, “How do you feel?”
I replied “fine” almost defiantly because at that point I still remembered what had just happened the night before and who did it to me. I was too young to know how to confront him about it though.
He asked me two more times throughout the day, “How do you feel now?” and I opened up a little more by saying “I didn’t feel so good this morning but I’m better now.”
The rest of my family returned home later that day, and I made the conscious decision not to tell my mom what my dad had just done to me. I wanted to, very much, but was afraid to. Afraid, because I knew he would retaliate and neither she nor I could defend ourselves or each other.
The next day, walking down a hallway in our home with my abuser, he seemed to be in a good mood and said to me “I’ll tell you one thing, you’re a tough little guy” and he repeated it several times, making me feel good about myself. It was as if he was impressed I survived.
Within a couple days after that, when he was alone with me, in a very nice tone of voice he asked me if anyone had ever abused me – apparently checking to see if his suffocation and resuscitation of me was successful at erasing my memory. I answered truthfully, although fearfully, by saying “yes.” He immediately cursed, and changed his demeanor by becoming very angry at me, and he never let go of that anger. From then on he displayed serious hatred of my existence, whenever there was no one else around to witness. His use of the word “tough” changed completely – from a compliment – to a hammer. After he learned my memory of his abuse had survived the temporary death he put me through, he would yell at the top of his lungs “Tough!” whenever I asked him to stop being mean to me.
As I aged into high school, he was getting more careless (alcohol) by abusing me verbally “in front of his friends.” Sometimes even they would seriously-protest, and he would tell them “he’s tough he can take it.” They didn’t like it, and some of them told me so in private ( God bless them! ). But they could not, or at least did not, stop him.
This is why I have added “rescuing abused children and adults” to my work on this website for Jesus.
About one or two weeks after my temporary death, which my other parent was completely unaware of, I tried telling my other parent that “Jesus has markers.” She said “Jesus has what?” I repeated and she said “Where?” I showed her hands and feet and she said “No those aren’t markers, Jesus was crucified.”
When you are as young as I was and one of your parents say “No,” then that’s all there is to it. Even though I knew I was right, her saying no is probably one of the reasons that memory became repressed into my subconscious. That, combined with the fact that I could not tell “anyone” about this horrendous experience. Not my mother, not my sister, my best friend, my teacher, absolutely no one, because it would only get back to my killer-parent and I was scared to death of what he would do next. That, combined with the extreme Gaslighting he did throughout the remainder of my childhood and on into high school through graduation. Talk about a cause for undiagnosed problems!
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, gaslighting involves attempts to destabilize the victim and thereby delegitimize the victim’s memory and beliefs. Instances range from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with intent to disorient the victim.
I had one parent who wanted me dead and the other parent who couldn’t live without me, and even endured similar abuse as me just to keep her family together. She never knew that he killed me the one night she and my sister left me alone with him for the entire night. But I know she was worried, because before leaving she told me in private “I hope you’re going to be alright.” I asked her not to go and she reluctantly said “she had to.” We were both very afraid of her husband.
I went through some emotions while regaining access to these long lost memories and I know I’m not the only one. So I want to provide the following information for anyone who would like some help with past or present abuse.
If you or someone you know, are suffering from any kind of abuse, Help Is Available !!
- Visit www.thehotline.org anytime for a live chat.
- You can also search a directory of domestic violence programs and shelters near you at domesticshelters.org.
- If you are afraid your internet usage might be monitored, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE), or TTY 1-800-787-3224. Help is available 24/7 in more than 200 languages. All calls are Free and Confidential.
Here are links to sites with helpful information.
- Survivors of Abuse
- Help for Adult Victims of Childhood Abuse
- Common Questions Asked by People Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
- Seven Ways to Help a Child Heal from Trauma
- International Child Rescue, click here
- Shriner’s Hospital for Children
- St. Jude’s Childhood Cancer Hospital
Sometimes an abusive situation evolves into a life-threatening emergency. If you or someone you know is in danger, please call 911 or your local law enforcement.
- Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
- National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
- Individual states have local child abuse hotlines, too USA
Internationally – I want to compile helpful resources for as many countries within our readership as possible. Currently 65 countries as of mid year 2019, you can see the complete list below in this post. If you can help me with information for any of these countries, please email it to me at john@ThereYouAreJesus.com
I also want to speak to the heart of anyone who is causing a child to suffer abuse. I wish I could have said this to my abuser but since that is no longer possible, I will give this to God so that Jesus can use it for his own purpose on a global scale through this website, ThereYouAreJesus.com. If you know of active abuse, please give the following message to the abuser.
“The coverup of a crime can be far worse than the crime itself. Realize, that you do not have to destroy your victim to eliminate the problem you created. You do not have to destabilize and delegitimize your victim’s memory in case your victim starts reporting your actions. You can eliminate your problem in a constructive fashion, rather than destructive, by having an honest conversation with your victim, explaining your mistake and helping your victim heal. You will be helping yourself heal in the process. And saving yourself, as well as your victim, from a future filled with debilitating stress, PTSD Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and long-term Brain Damage caused by intensified levels of the stress hormone Cortisol. Realize the harm being caused to all parties, mentally commit to stopping the abuse and begin the process of undoing the mess, starting right now.”
I pray this lesson I have learned can successfully detoxify at least one abusive relationship.
In closing, let me offer you one more thing. Actually 5, here are 5 good things to ask children (in addition to the usual “how was your day?”).
- What made you smile today?
- Who did you sit with at lunch?
- If you could change one thing about today, what would that be?
- What was the hardest rule to follow today?
- Tell me something you know today that you did not know yesterday.
Seriously, John. Member of ThereYouAreJesus, LLC